FASHION, THAT FORM OF INTOLERABLE UGLINESS

While I spend the next year as nanny for my beautiful baby nephews, I have no need for new clothing or having much mind for what I'm wearing. However, I have decided this job will be my way to "use up" my casual, boring, soulless clothes to pave the way for new life in my closet. It seems lately all I can think about is dressing the way I feel - and I feel serene and joyous and put together. And I use such high minded words on purpose! I suspect that devoting myself to the happiness of two other little beings has finally landed me firmly in adulthood.

While I continue the countdown until December 31st here is a snippet of clothing that has been exciting me lately. Follow me on Pinterest for more; I have many more pins of trousers that I didn't include!

(Sources: Samuji, Bittersweet Colours, this maybe?, Stockholm Street Style via Who What Wear, Harper's Bazaar, The Sartorialist, The Sartorialist)

JOY - A WORK IN PROGRESS

I have a lovely (and incredibly talented) friend named Angela who moved to New York City late October; I didn't see her enough over the last few months that she was in Canada and I'm finding I really miss her now. Particularly after conversations (actually text conversations) like we had recently.

Late at night a few weeks ago I sent Ange a video I stumbled across about Maia Helles, a former Russian ballet dancer in her late 90s. The next day we talked about the video and how it moved us. We had both cried while watching it and had similar feelings about Maia and her life. In the video, Maia seems to live a solitary life but is calm and peaceful within it. She's carved out her little space, and her little routine, and her life flows around and over and through her, like water. She seems proud of her life and Ange in particular felt her ability to just be and still stay active and healthy was inspiring. And it was. Maia is a wonderful representation of the life I desire for myself and the way I want to treat, think, and feel about myself.

My friend Maia from julia warr on Vimeo.

Ange's quick reply with admission of calm crying to the video that night was what prompted me to message her more the next day. I wanted to know how she was setting up her new life in NYC and she mentioned struggling a little as she was trying to find her own. We talked about self love - a subject I find myself thinking about somewhat regularly. I've even talked about it here before. Angela mentioned something that’s been on her mind lately is the desire to be a better person for herself, but ultimately she feels like she’s letting herself down. Her comment made me think of how hard we are on ourselves when we should be loving. We have the right to change our minds or get busy or feel nervous about joining a new class. There are enough people out there trying to tear us down that we don’t need to do it to ourselves.

But we can feel lost in how to love ourselves.

Sometimes it can help to adopt a “fake it till you make it” policy; keep thinking positive thoughts and you will notice a shift in your thoughts of self over time. A good source for positive self-talk is Louise Hay, who uses affirmations as the basis for healing; her well-known book You Can Heal Your Life provides different affirmations for different ailments. Looking in a mirror, you say these affirmations to yourself over and over and over again until you finally believe it. Or really, until you finally recognize the truth in what you are telling yourself. Repeating the words will awaken you to see something in yourself.

I find it easy to think “if my skin clears up I will be happy with myself” or “if I had good posture I would like my body.” But right now my skin is really good and I have a huge stye! There will always be something holding me back if I let it. I’m trying to come to terms with that. People like me for who I am, including any faults I have. Why can’t I do the same? We’re so cerebral these days…maybe it’s a little too intense sometimes. It’s proven that the more choices you have the worse choices you ultimately make. And I bet because we have so many choices (including choices in how to think) we just spend our time agonizing over it and not actually doing anything.

Ange thinks she could like and feel comfortable dedicating her whole life to someone else. This is a salient point. Buddhism talks about the only way to be happy is to devote yourself to making others happy. Thoughts like these make me desire motherhood even more; to lose myself in someone else for a short time – or at least shed the unnecessary.

This was a special conversation for me; Ange and I are kindred spirits and she is by far my most philosophical friend. She says we share a greater passion for smaller things, which is the perfect way to summarize the root of our friendship - and completely summarizes why we were so moved by the above video. I have been so blessed in the friends the universe has provided me. I started the conversation in an attempt to provide support for her and she ended it by being encouraging and inspiring back to me.

I READ COMICS...

If you've been reading the blog since the beginning, you know that I'm a huge fan of comics. Really I love books altogether, and have always immersed myself in that sacred printed word that lets the imaginative few escape to alternate realities. I can remember early elementary school with my oldest friend and myself challenging ourselves to out-read one another during the school year. I remember both our reading lists hitting 100 with hardly any effort - when I would go over to her house to play, we would just sit in her bedroom reading! I will never regret the time or money I have spent on books; reading is the best investment you can make for your life.

Of the few books or series I have on the go, I currently follow a couple of comic series that end up releasing new issues once or twice a year. I'm glad they don't release more frequently as I have no self-control when it comes to devouring comics! But I look forward to reading these books more than any others at this point.

Fables

The first series that I follow regularly is called Fables. This series features characters from fairy tales and stories from our childhood, however it is set in present-day New York City. These characters, calling themselves "Fables," have been exiled from their homelands and are living a hidden life in our world. The series follows them as they try to fit into their new world, as well as attempting to regain their Homelands from The Adversary.

With its mix of adventure, intrigue, mystery, and relationships, this series is accessible for all readers, although it may be of more interest to those that like somewhat lighthearted fare. But just because it's based on fond childhood stories, doesn't mean this series panders. It's filled with clever story arcs and it's enjoyable to see how the writer Bill Willingham shapes the personalities of these familiar characters and turns them into multi-faceted beings. My strong sense of nostalgia first engaged me in seeing where the story would go, but really I just love how fun this series is! It is a consistent pleasure to read. And, while I don't think learning is a necessary requirement of reading, I find myself learning about new folklore every time I read a new book (I read the Deluxe Editions so they last longer) as Willingham draws content from every culture. This is one of the two key series I recommend to friends who think they might be interested in getting into comics.

American Vampire

The next series that I follow is American Vampire. I know, I know, we're all sick of vampires by now. This series is pretty cool though, as it looks at vampires as having different bloodlines within the species and introduces a new bloodline called the American Vampire. This American Vampire can walk in sunlight and is immune to silver - and exists in the form of an immoral outlaw cowboy from the Wild West. The series follows his movements throughout history, as well as the movements of and his relationship with his only known progeny, a struggling actress from the 1920s.

I've always been a sucker for supernatural lore and I like when a writer stays true to the general rules of a group of creatures, but adds just a little something new that has a ring of truth. Or "truth." The storylines are interesting and, as with Fables, heavily feature a powerful, driven, and realistic female character. Something that really blows my mind about this series though is the artwork. Rafael Albuquerque draws some of the most beautiful artwork I've seen in a comic series. He uses a subdued but saturated colour palette for his art, and his work is so full of detail and emotion. It's definitely the major attraction for this series.

Lucifer

The final series I'm currently reading is called Lucifer. It's a modern interpretation of Satan, apparently owing much to John Milton's Paradise Lost - which I haven't read, so I can't speak to it. This series explores what would happen if Lucifer decided to step down as the ruler of Hell and open a piano bar in Los Angeles. Unfortunately it's not that easy to get away from the reach of Heaven.

Now this series is interesting! Mike Carey is taking an interpretation Neil Gaiman made in the Sandman series and carrying it further in these books. He has written a character that is so real and complicated that you can't help but root for him, regardless of whether he is being "bad" or "good" (as he is both in these comics). Lucifer has conflicting moral codes that create depth to the character; he is staunchly honest in the literal meaning of his words, yet feels no compassion and sees the death of humans as a non-issue. He is presented almost as a child rebelling against the expectations of a parent and we get to see the growing pains he experiences coming to terms with how far away he can get from his father. I like that this series provides some food for thought on the typical story of Satan, but also on the concepts of predestination, what constitutes evil, and the concept of Hell as each individual creates it.

So those are the three comic book series I'm reading right now! When the Sandman: Overture is finally collected, I'll be reading that too. However, when that happens I'll make a post just for Sandman and my feelings of love for that series - and for Neil Gaiman! But that's a post for another time. In the meantime, head to your local library and see what they've got available in the comics section. You might find something you like.

TAKE A BREAK FOR A WHILE

Do you ever feel you need to take a breath outside of the city? I love the outdoors so much and sometimes I feel really overwhelmed living in the city. When that happens I have a few tricks for escape.

One of my favourite tricks is heading out to Mount Nemo Conservation Area to meet a friend for a hike. We met up Wednesday and got a little caught up, hiked for a little longer than intended. However, I left Mount Nemo that day feeling re-energized.

Hiking is excellent exercise, a good opportunity to unwind and relieve stress, and tree hugging improves your health! Nature vibrates at a frequency that promotes health and healing for us. Good times.

If you're looking for hiking trails in and around the Toronto area check the Ontario Trails Council to see what's out there. Please just remember a few basic etiquette notes when you're out hiking: don't litter, stay on designated paths so as not to damage the ecosystem, and be polite - say hi to people you pass! Everyone is out there trying to feel good so spread those positive vibes around.

HOW TO AVOID BLOGGING FOR OVER A YEAR

Well, we definitely came to a full stop with blogging - BUT with very good reason. Hil and I both went back to school this past September! I had already been laid off and was trying to find my path; after much exploration (shout out to JVS for help in this area) and contemplation, I decided I wanted to go back to school for Holistic Nutrition. Turns out, as I was coming to this conclusion, so was Hil. As she's briefly talked about before, she's had a few digestive issues and whatnot so this field is a natural fit for her.

School was intense. Very intense. And lovely. It was intense and lovely. The program was two years worth of schooling crammed into eleven straight months, with only a couple weeks off at Christmas and a March Break. We averaged out to an assignment due every week, sometimes there would be multiple tests (or "final exams" sometimes) within the same week, and we had one course that was presentations every single class. In the face of all this, blogging became very low priority.

With that in mind, we apologize for lack of communication and want to slowly get back into things here! Obviously now that our lives and goals have changed, the focus of the blog will reflect these changes. Who knows where this journey will take us but we are so excited to find out! And I have to say that focusing the blog on lifestyle with a health and nutrition emphasis seems like it's going to be so much fun.

(Still Time to Change the Road You're On print by Amy Rice)

LOVE THYSELF

This week I wanted to just sort of talk about something that's been on my mind a lot lately. This is a challenge for me to write - this is not our usual theme on the blog (ha! We only have like 5 posts; what's to say what our theme is?!), and gathering my thoughts into one cohesive statement is difficult. But let me tell you about myself and my barriers to self love.

I am an extroverted middle child who craves attention and sometimes has faulty self-esteem. And because sometimes I am tired and just lack strength, I can find myself getting jealous or feeling down on myself when I see or hear of others having fun without me - particularly when posted on social media sites. Other times I can feel down on myself when I let what others say or do affect me. I don't think I'm alone with this issue, but sometimes it sure feels like it. Now, some would say that's silly to feel this way, or whatever, but I don't want to diminish this or myself. These issues, to me, are major obstacles in my path to self love.

What I want to do is change this for myself...and maybe inspire others to recognize some of their barriers to self love. Talking about this in a public forum is like naming your fears - once you give them a name, they seem to shrink.

My first step to practicing good self-esteem has been recognition. I'm starting to recognize the patterns at play when I have those aforementioned thoughts - when I'm feeling left out, it's from outwards thinking. When I'm feeling cut down by people, it's from not enough outwards thinking. Sound confusing? Let me explain.

When I get jealous of others, I'm not being present in the current moment and recognizing that I am having fun as well, or that I do have fun in general. And the more I invest in what I'm doing, the more fun I have and the less I think about others! It's a hard realization that I'm not always going to be invited to every event; it's selfish to assume that people always want me and never need a break. But by thinking about what I'm actually doing, and investing in those moments, negative feelings don't often tend to cross my mind.

Now I also believe that most negativity that comes from people comes out of a lack of self love on their part. Knowing this doesn't always make it easier to hear what they have to say and recognize it's likely not really about me, but that is the key here. When someone feels the need to say something to me that is hurtful or really digs at me, it's likely they are projecting, or lonely; they are not self-aware or perhaps too self-aware; essentially it's really more about them than it is about me. And this is outwards thinking - seeing what really makes those people say things. Unfortunately I can't see these things in the moment, but if I provide myself with reflection time later to think about the occurrence, these things become clear to me.

Now these are two things that seem much smaller to me, for having put them out there.

Self love is so important to me and I think it goes hand in hand with mental health - and even plays a role in physical health! I don't have the best perspective of myself but I'm working to change and strengthen that every day. Like with most skills, I know it takes practice but sometimes I even have to remind myself of that! Someday this will be a non-issue for me; until that day, creating dialogue with others and gathering different perspectives on self love continues to help me grow and strengthen. Hopefully others are able to say the same.




(Photos from the series The Weight of Your Bones by Nieves Alvarez)

HEART OF THE MATTER

Living in Toronto makes me so happy. I come from a smaller city outside of Toronto, and moving here really changed my perspective on travel, time, food, my hobbies, you name it. It also changed my perspective on art and what I consider art - I used to be less open to street art or "low" art, as there wasn't really much of that in my hometown.

I guess I should say it also changed what my eye picks up as I'm going about my day. I've always loved hearts (you should see my jewellery collection) and in this city, I tend to notice so many heart references in street art or even just everyday items that look like hearts. It definitely perks me up whenever I catch one!

Here are some of my more recent finds around Toronto:

Check me out on Instagram and see what other hearts I find while out and about!